Writing Reflection 1
My first writing goal for this semester would be to relate all my ideas back to the same thesis so that they all support the same argument rather than make separate points. This is a big problem for me, as I am so anxious to get my thoughts down and for them to all make sense individually that I don’t take the time to consider whether or not they make sense as a whole. For example, in my Tocqueville essay, my thesis is that democracy “are one and the same, and often evolve into one another.” However, later on in the essay there’s a paragraph that details how a polarized bipartisan system allows for shallower involvement in elections, which doesn’t at all relate to my aforementioned thesis. Something I can do to remedy this in my writing is to actually write out how an idea connects to my thesis in my planning process. I think that if I take the time to physically write down my thoughts, rather than just making a mental note about the possible connections I could write about, I will be more likely to include the connection and flesh it out in my writing.
Somewhat related to that is my second writing goal this semester, which is to better transition between paragraphs. This is another instance in which the ideas fit together well in my head, but I need to better map out my thought process for the reader so that my writing doesn’t seem to jump around from topic to topic. This is glaringly apparent in the unrevised version of my Tocqueville essay, when in the midst of describing democracy and how it’s applied, I jump to a paragraph that starts with the sentence, “In a system where every voice is equal, each voice is granted the same amount of credibility and merit, so it would be sensible to believe that the more people that believe something, the more valid that belief would be.” This doesn’t at all support the point I’m trying to make about democracy, and would better serve my essay either later on, more integrated into my other points, or not existing at all. I think I can address this issue by reading my writing out loud or by having someone else read it, because I usually stumble when reading aloud if I’m surprised by what I’m reading or if it doesn’t make a lot of sense. Hopefully with this method I’ll be able to catch where I change topics too quickly or if the flow of my writing isn’t logical.
The last skill I’d like to further develop is using more precise language. Sometimes when I’m writing a sentence and it sounds awkward, I’ll throw in an adjective or an extra word or two just to make it sound better. Looking back and reading what I’ve written, it’s really obvious when I’m using a filler word and taking a shortcut instead of properly attempting to convey the meaning of the sentence. This makes my writing seem choppy and bland, and could really use more showing, not telling. An example of this kind of lazy writing is in my Tocqueville essay, when I say, “Despite our best efforts, democracy will always become a manifestation of the overruling power of the majority, so long as the minority has no power to resist it. To avoid tyranny altogether within a democracy, the minority needs to be granted powers with which to check those of the majority.” Rather than further explaining my point about the majority taking over a democracy and providing examples through which I could provide context and further insight, I almost restate my point, only to reference back to it later on in the essay. A way I can fix this problem in the future would be to, once I’d finished a draft, go back and highlight all the unnecessary or weak descriptors and replace them with more suitable ones. Once I’ve identified where I’ve carelessly thrown in words, I think it will be much easier for me to revise these sections and hopefully clarify my phrasing in the process.
One major revision that I made throughout my college essay drafts was better connecting my ideas to each other. In my first draft, my lack of organization confused the reader and thereby distracted them from the message of my essay. The most glaring example in my first draft was when I reference the first time I spoke French with my cousin right in the middle of an explanation of the classroom in which I worked during my internship. The jump from “This internship had excited me more than anything in my life; the summer beforehand I’d spent with the Middlebury-Monterey Language Academy French program, and I felt more confident in my French skills than ever before,” to “One of the first attempts I’d ever made at speaking French had been when I was ten years old with my cousin, Marthe,” was choppy and sudden, and needed to be revised. I got a lot of feedback from my peers that suggested I either take out the section about my cousin or somehow put it somewhere else. As I thought this section gave valuable insights into my persistent nature when approaching problems (which was one of the themes of my essay), I desperately wanted to keep it. After a lot of thought and discussion with my teachers and classmates, I decided that the best place for this paragraph was as an intro for the rest of my essay. This made much more organizational sense, and strengthened my message by providing more background information and examples. The final draft features this paragraph at the beginning, with its final sentence, “Although my French kitchen terminology was solid, little did I know my lack of music vocabulary would one day haunt me,” transitioning to the next paragraph and the beginning of the bulk of my story, “Beginning my internship Junior year at a bilingual academy, I felt more confident in my French skills than ever before.” I found that this revision required a lot less words than it had originally, which was fantastic as I was far over the word count in my early drafts.
Somewhat related to that is my second writing goal this semester, which is to better transition between paragraphs. This is another instance in which the ideas fit together well in my head, but I need to better map out my thought process for the reader so that my writing doesn’t seem to jump around from topic to topic. This is glaringly apparent in the unrevised version of my Tocqueville essay, when in the midst of describing democracy and how it’s applied, I jump to a paragraph that starts with the sentence, “In a system where every voice is equal, each voice is granted the same amount of credibility and merit, so it would be sensible to believe that the more people that believe something, the more valid that belief would be.” This doesn’t at all support the point I’m trying to make about democracy, and would better serve my essay either later on, more integrated into my other points, or not existing at all. I think I can address this issue by reading my writing out loud or by having someone else read it, because I usually stumble when reading aloud if I’m surprised by what I’m reading or if it doesn’t make a lot of sense. Hopefully with this method I’ll be able to catch where I change topics too quickly or if the flow of my writing isn’t logical.
The last skill I’d like to further develop is using more precise language. Sometimes when I’m writing a sentence and it sounds awkward, I’ll throw in an adjective or an extra word or two just to make it sound better. Looking back and reading what I’ve written, it’s really obvious when I’m using a filler word and taking a shortcut instead of properly attempting to convey the meaning of the sentence. This makes my writing seem choppy and bland, and could really use more showing, not telling. An example of this kind of lazy writing is in my Tocqueville essay, when I say, “Despite our best efforts, democracy will always become a manifestation of the overruling power of the majority, so long as the minority has no power to resist it. To avoid tyranny altogether within a democracy, the minority needs to be granted powers with which to check those of the majority.” Rather than further explaining my point about the majority taking over a democracy and providing examples through which I could provide context and further insight, I almost restate my point, only to reference back to it later on in the essay. A way I can fix this problem in the future would be to, once I’d finished a draft, go back and highlight all the unnecessary or weak descriptors and replace them with more suitable ones. Once I’ve identified where I’ve carelessly thrown in words, I think it will be much easier for me to revise these sections and hopefully clarify my phrasing in the process.
One major revision that I made throughout my college essay drafts was better connecting my ideas to each other. In my first draft, my lack of organization confused the reader and thereby distracted them from the message of my essay. The most glaring example in my first draft was when I reference the first time I spoke French with my cousin right in the middle of an explanation of the classroom in which I worked during my internship. The jump from “This internship had excited me more than anything in my life; the summer beforehand I’d spent with the Middlebury-Monterey Language Academy French program, and I felt more confident in my French skills than ever before,” to “One of the first attempts I’d ever made at speaking French had been when I was ten years old with my cousin, Marthe,” was choppy and sudden, and needed to be revised. I got a lot of feedback from my peers that suggested I either take out the section about my cousin or somehow put it somewhere else. As I thought this section gave valuable insights into my persistent nature when approaching problems (which was one of the themes of my essay), I desperately wanted to keep it. After a lot of thought and discussion with my teachers and classmates, I decided that the best place for this paragraph was as an intro for the rest of my essay. This made much more organizational sense, and strengthened my message by providing more background information and examples. The final draft features this paragraph at the beginning, with its final sentence, “Although my French kitchen terminology was solid, little did I know my lack of music vocabulary would one day haunt me,” transitioning to the next paragraph and the beginning of the bulk of my story, “Beginning my internship Junior year at a bilingual academy, I felt more confident in my French skills than ever before.” I found that this revision required a lot less words than it had originally, which was fantastic as I was far over the word count in my early drafts.